The most random Merlin story you will ever read
by DrusillaSnaps
Summary: Chapter one explains what the story is all about, chapter two is the story so far. I must warn you that this story makes no sense,has a lot of strange AU moments and if full of all sorts of odd goings on. If you are easily offended DO. NOT. READ.
1. Chapter 1

_Basically we started a game on Live-Journal where one person starts a story with a half sentence or so, and leaves the end so that people can add the next bit. It continues on from there, and so, with so many people adding things to the story, we are left with the most random, funny, kinky Merlin/Arthur fic EVER created! _

_What is posted here is what has been posted so far! I will add another chapter as we write more. If you want to join in, we are in the LJ community merlinxarthur, so come and join in!_

_**Summary so far -**__ Uther was killed by toads, a sword became bread, Merlin turned into a naked Morgana, Uther came back from the dead and turned into a dragon - which naked Merlin/Morgana made out with, Arthur gets naked, giant butterflies attack, Gaius appears with a sack and starts wrestling Merlin/Morgana, EVERYONE turns onto Morgana, Gwen turns up and thinks it's Christmas, Lancelot appears as Santa, Lancelot's sneeze turns everyone back to themselves, a reindeer attacks Arthurs er.. private area, Arthur accuses Merlin of being attracted to Uther/Dragon, Arthurs pubic hair turns purple, Merlin accuses Uther/Dragon of being a sorcerer, the witchfinder appears in pink singing 'I'm a witch', suddenly its Halloween and Arthur and Merlin dress as each other, Merlin starts to get naked, Arthur is turned into a puppy, puppy Arthur pee's on Uther/Dragons leg..._

_**Warnings -**__ This fic makes no sense, just read the summary to know what to expect. Basically don't read it if you are easily offended. It contains kink, nudity, random humor and the like. _


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur Pendragon, Crown Prince of Camelot was having an extremely restless night of sleep. He was being plagued by dreams of...

His father's death - or, rather, his murder - at the hands of ...

Toads, great fat toads hopping in and out of his room, going ribbet, ribbet and making a mess of everything. His idiot of a manservant couldn't keep from tripping over his own feet as he reached for...

A sword--any sword, Arthur's sword, maybe--to cut down the nefarious toads with hands that had deftly strangled the king, but Merlin soon found...

That Arthurs sword had turned into a giant baguette! Strangely however the toads seemed to…

Fear carbohydrates. One of the toads muttered the name "Atkins" ("The sorcerer responsible, perhaps?" wondered Arthur) and...

The toads all leapt out of Arthurs open window, leaving behind however a trail of…

Baguette crumbs that Merlin, the worst manservant in the history of manservant's, kept complaining about. Reaching under Arthur's bed, he kept muttering something that sounded suspiciously like a spell but that couldn't be right and…

So Arthur hit him around the head, and told him to stop talking nonsense. However when he hit Merlin round the head, Merlin...

Slumped forward, sliding under the bed and didn't say another word. That wasn't like him to keep quiet and so Arthur looked down and…

Saw the pool of blood spreading away from his servant's limp body. Sudden horror and guilt overtook him, and Arthur. . .

Leapt out of bed, reaching out to turn Merlin over, hoping that he wasn't too badly hurt. As his best friend (although he'd never admit it) moved, Arthur thought…

Thank god, he's not dead... but before he could say anything, Merlin suddenly changed into the very naked form of...

Morgana. Arthur, very understandably he thought, screamed at the horrid, scarring sight and...

Ran from the room, covering his wounded eyes. However as he was blinded he ran straight into Uther who...

Was looking quite well for a man who was supposed to be dead. Arthur tentatively poked his father square in the chest, and...

Felt how cold the king was. He mumbled wordlessly, and looked up at Uther's face in question, only to see that his father had been turned into a...

Dragon, that was observing Arthur with cold gold coins for eyes. Arthur was, naturally, quite perturbed by this and so...

He turned, willing his body to escape. However, the dragon . . .

Seemed to have the power to stop Arthur moving more than a few feet away, and so Arthur felt himself being dragged back into its presences. Suddenly he heard a scream from his bedchambers it was...

Morgana or Merlin or whoever it was that looked like Morgana and she kept poking herself as if she couldn't believe it. Morgana began to babble, asking Arthur what happened and why he was a girl and Arthur didn't....

Really know where to look, because honestly, naked Morgana was making him a little queasy, so he...

Simply pointed at the dragon. Merlin/Morgana had not noticed this yet, but did not scream out in terror, but simply...

Asked the Dragon if he knew why he'd suddenly changed into a girl. But Arthur was getting perturbed with the naked Morgana/Merlin being naked so he took off…

His sleep shirt, ignoring that that left him now naked, and threw it at the offending man-woman. He noticed however that Merlin-Morgana was staring at him though and...

Merlin/Morgana reached a hand up and slowly...

Caressed a very naked thigh which Arthur had not noticed until that moment he was naked as well. As soon as Arthur had come to this realization, he...

Backed up, not wanting Morgana to get any wrong ideas about where this was going. Merlin was his and as soon as he changed back, Arthur would...

Be making very sure that Merlin understood this, and also that he had no interest in being manhandled by Morgana whatsoever, preferably by...

Pinning Merlin down on his bed and snogging him senseless. He was pleasantly lost in that fantasy for a moment, before he realized...

That the Morgana-Merlin had moved past him, and walked right up to Uther - when did he turn back? - and sealed...her? his? _her_...lips against him. Arthur watched in horror as...

Uther started to respond, wrapping his arms around the Morgana-Merlin. Arthur was livid because...

About half of those lips were Merlin's which meant that they were Arthur's lips and that meant he was lip-locked with his father. And that was not on- although there was just something about...

The image of Morgana lip locked with Uther that was bizarrely hot in a very twisted sort of way, though as soon as Arthur thought this he immediately tried to scrub it out of his mind because just ugh, and...

Merlin polishing the thick "sword" between his thighs…

Which was a thought that filled many of his fantasies - was not something he wanted to think about every time he saw Morgana whenever this crazy thing was over. So instead he...

Shrieked like a little girl and ran away, towards the great hall, only to find....

That Merlin-Morgana had followed him using the trail of breadcrumbs that had slipped from Arthur's hand whilst running. Looking as exasperated as ever, Arthur said...

"Stop following me! And stop," he gestured vaguely to Merlin-Morgana's chest, "Jiggling! Surely you need some support for those things." Merlin-Morgana looked pointedly at Arthur's own jiggling and EXPOSED bits, before screaming in horror, they were...

Attacked from behind by a giant butterfly, which smiled at Arthur as it...

Attempted to lay eggs. Just then, Gaius jumped out of the shadows with a handy sack and attempted to wrestle the butterfly into it, instead of the butterfly he wrestled...

The Morgana-Merlin, his hands feeling over things he would rather not think about at his time of life! Red with embarrassment Gaius...

Retracted his hands, stumbling back but catching his foot on the wing of the butterfly, falling over and crushing it underneath his aging and withered body. But the insect-juice had curious effects on those in the vicinity and...

Everyone turned into Morgana! Except Morgana, who suddenly turned into a Geoffrey of Monmouth, despite the real Morgana being on the other side of the castle and nowhere near the squished butterfly. Arthur's reaction to this was to...

Be temporarily distracted by the cleavage he had acquired. Eventually though he managed to drag his eyes away from it and...

Realize Merlin and him would never have gay man sex again if they didn't find a cure! Just then, Gwen appeared around the corner, and promptly had a fit of...

Paralyzing hysterical laughter. It was quite some time before she could get a handle on herself enough to choke out…

"Have all my anachronistic Christmases' come at once?" The door slowly creaked open behind the once again hysterical Gwen to reveal...

Lancelot dressed as Santa Claus, complete with reindeer. Arthur stared in shock as...

Lancelot sneezed, the snot magical and imbued with some sort of strange and Christmassy magic. It covered the many Morganas', turning them back into their original forms and suddenly Arthur felt a large and uncontrollable...

Urge to ride the reindeer. Even while naked! Especially while naked. He ran over to it, and the reindeer...

Making the very understandable mistake of confusing Arthur's manhood for a particularly un-orange carrot...

And so Arthur shrieked and tried to move away, only the reindeer had a firm hold. Suddenly Merlin appeared behind him and…

Rescued Arthur from the reindeer, pulling him back against his own lithe form. Arthur could feel Merlin's hot breath against the back of his neck and he turned to face his rescuer who promptly said...

"Arthur, are you cheating on me?"…

Arthur was overcome with a truly 21st-century gay moment, he pouted and slapped Merlin and said in a high pitched voice...

"Just because you're not the only one who finds the sight of my cock tempting! Why don't you...

Just tell me the truth! your attracted to my dragon father, aren't you?" however before Merlin could answer Uther/Dragon...

Opened his mouth, shooting a jet of flame at them all. The fire ignited...

Arthurs pubic hair! however, the hair did not burn or singe, it...

Turned a peculiar shade of purple and sparkled in the sunlight. At this point Merlin...

Immediately accused Uther of being a sorcerer! Arthur cried out 'Send for the witchfinder' and the witchfinder appeared, only to...

be wearing a pink silk robe and singing, "I'm a witch, I'm a witch." Hearing this Arthur...

Asked if it was Halloween. Merlin said it was, so the both went to get dressed. They returned dressed as...

Each other, Merlin in shiny silvery armor that dwarfed him and clashed noisily together, and Arthur in Merlin's shirt and trousers that were deliciously tight on him, and left little to the imagination...

Even though the armor was way too big for Merlin, Arthur couldn't help but think he looked rather cute in chainmail. To cover for this unbelievably sappy thought, Arthur quickly and loudly complained...

That Merlin had forgotten to take his neckerchief off! This was most unfair because it made it very difficult for Arthur to...

Wildly ravish him like he totally wanted to. Merlin, able to see Arthur's wild urges, began to strip off his clothing kinkily which made Arthur...

Drool. The drool happened to land on some of the armor that Merlin was flinging off seductively. Upon noticing this, Merlin stopped his medieval strip-tease. The drool was making him want to...

Buy a puppy, since everyone knows that puppies drool and are notoriously cute while doing so, like Arthur...

Who was a lot like a little doggy with his sandy blond hair and big eyes and cold wet nose and - hang on - cold wet nose? Before Merlin's eyes the prince began transforming and Arthur found himself on all fours, with a waggy tail and the need to...

Pee on Uther's leg. So he did. When happened next shocked the pants off of everyone in the room, quite literally, for…


End file.
